{"id":201,"date":"2018-01-08T16:25:12","date_gmt":"2018-01-08T16:25:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wordpress-255815-3383686.cloudwaysapps.com\/?p=201"},"modified":"2023-12-12T09:28:49","modified_gmt":"2023-12-12T09:28:49","slug":"how-to-have-a-difficult-conversation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/blog\/finding-great-childcare\/how-to-have-a-difficult-conversation","title":{"rendered":"Guest Post: How to have a difficult conversation with your nanny by Sue Ingram"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"201\" class=\"elementor elementor-201\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-45ff5d7c elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"45ff5d7c\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-62d54127\" data-id=\"62d54127\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-63c3d0b7 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"63c3d0b7\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<style>\/*! elementor - v3.20.0 - 26-03-2024 *\/\n.elementor-widget-text-editor.elementor-drop-cap-view-stacked .elementor-drop-cap{background-color:#69727d;color:#fff}.elementor-widget-text-editor.elementor-drop-cap-view-framed .elementor-drop-cap{color:#69727d;border:3px solid;background-color:transparent}.elementor-widget-text-editor:not(.elementor-drop-cap-view-default) .elementor-drop-cap{margin-top:8px}.elementor-widget-text-editor:not(.elementor-drop-cap-view-default) .elementor-drop-cap-letter{width:1em;height:1em}.elementor-widget-text-editor .elementor-drop-cap{float:left;text-align:center;line-height:1;font-size:50px}.elementor-widget-text-editor .elementor-drop-cap-letter{display:inline-block}<\/style>\t\t\t\t<!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>Perhaps you\u2019ve experienced that sinking feeling. You\u2019re not happy with how things are going.\u00a0 You know you need to have THAT conversation.\u00a0 But you don\u2019t want to make the situation worse. Or, perhaps things are going really well but there are a few things nagging at the back of your head.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>How can you say what is needed to be said, and gain a positive result?<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>We asked Sue Ingram, an expert in tough talk, for some advice. Sue literally wrote the book on having difficult conversations (it\u2019s called \u2018Fire Well: How to fire staff so they thank you\u2019), and she runs a training company which helps managers learn what to say when managing staff.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>Here are her top tips.<\/p>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-24012\" src=\"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Copy-of-IMG_4633-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Copy-of-IMG_4633-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Copy-of-IMG_4633-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Copy-of-IMG_4633-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Copy-of-IMG_4633-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Copy-of-IMG_4633.jpg 1800w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/heading -->\n<h2><strong>1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Get in the right mental zone<\/strong><\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/heading --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>First off, realise you are not actually in a \u2018fight\u2019 or \u2018argument\u2019 situation.\u00a0 You both want the same outcome: for the nanny to be happy and successful.\u00a0 If the nanny is happy, and giving you the service you need, then you and the children will be happy too.\u00a0 It is a win, win, win.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>Also, keep an open mind.\u00a0 Once the conversation starts you might learn something new that changes everything.\u00a0 While you should prepare, you also need to be ready to drop the plan and change your opinion.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>Be calm and objective.\u00a0 It is important to appear confident and speak calmly, even if (especially if) things become emotional.\u00a0 After all, you\u2019re trying to figure out how everyone can be happy and successful in their job role.\u00a0 Body language is important. (If you want to appear confident even when you don\u2019t feel it, check out <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ted.com\/talks\/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are\">Amy Cuddy\u2019s TED talk.<\/a>)<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/heading -->\n<h2><strong>2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Identify the core problem<\/strong><\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/heading --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>What is the thing that needs to change?\u00a0 So often people talk about a symptom of the problem, rather than the problem itself. For example, you might feel like the issue is lateness, whereas the real source of the problem is that the nanny is no longer enjoying the job. You know you have identified the source when you can say, \u201cIf this thing improved, everything would be fine.\u201d \u00a0<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/heading -->\n<h2><strong>3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Prepare your opening statement<\/strong><\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/heading --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>Starting the conversation is the part most people struggle with. The trick is to prepare a statement that can be said in less than 2 minutes.\u00a0 This will force you to be clear and concise.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>This structure can help a lot:<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p><em>(i)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I notice that\u2026<\/em>\u00a0What has led you to think that something is wrong and you need to have a conversation?\u00a0 Alternative wording here is \u2018I am beginning to think \u2026\u2019, \u2018I sense \u2026.\u2019, \u2018I perceive \u2026\u2019\u00a0 This framing allows you to voice your concerns but also remain open to new information.\u00a0 Follow the opener up with reasons (evidence) why you think what you do, \u2018And the reason I think this is \u2026\u2019.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p><em>(ii)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I feel.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>People can dispute your thinking but they can not argue with how you feel.\u00a0 However it has to be absolutely genuine.\u00a0 How do you feel?\u00a0 Hurt? Angry? Disappionted? Confused? \u00a0Stating how you feel also gives permission for the other person to talk about how they feel. Often this can be the answer to the whole issue.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p><em>(iii)\u00a0\u00a0 I want.\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0You can say \u2018I want all of us to be happy living and working together\u2019, \u2018I want us to sit down and discuss this issue and find the solution\u2019.\u00a0 Or you could be very precise and state what you want in place of the problem \u2018I want you to be up in the kitchen by 7.30 ready to prepare the kids\u2019 breakfast\u2019.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>Think about how the nanny is likely to respond, and what you\u2019ll say next. \u00a0If you have prepared a really strong, clear, short statement, it can be a strong thing to calmly repeat if they try to deflect you away from the topic.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/heading -->\n<h2><strong>4.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Tell them what they are doing right<\/strong><\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/heading --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>You want to be truthful and honest. And you\u2019ve just told them what is not going well.\u00a0 To be balanced, you also need to tell them what they are doing well.\u00a0 Think of what you truthfully appreciate about them and tell them.\u00a0 \u2018I have to be honest and say you are doing lots of things perfectly but this issue of \u2026 is important to me \/ a key part of your job, and therefore it needs to be improved.\u2019<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/heading -->\n<h2><strong>5. Follow up<\/strong><\/h2>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/heading --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p>You have had the conversation \u2013 congratulations!\u00a0 Now be sure to follow up.\u00a0 If you see no effort being made, or they are struggling to do what you ask, you may need to hold another conversation. But if you see improvements, even small steps towards the ultimate goal, be sure to notice these and appreciate your nanny\u2019s efforts.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph {\"className\":\"end-CTA\"} -->\n<p class=\"end-CTA\">If you hire a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/nanny-share\">nanny with Koru Kids<\/a> we&#8217;re with you all the way. We encourage our nannies to seek regular feedback and can help you and your nanny to have positive conversation throughout their employment. We also have two teachers in our team to support the nannies with advice from homework to dealing with any difficult behaviour.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph --><!-- wp:core\/paragraph -->\n<p><em>Sue Ingram (sue@conversewell.com) is CEO and founder of Converse Well.<\/em><\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:core\/paragraph -->\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-448656c elementor-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"448656c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;sticky&quot;:&quot;bottom&quot;,&quot;sticky_offset&quot;:70,&quot;sticky_offset_mobile&quot;:72,&quot;sticky_on&quot;:[&quot;desktop&quot;,&quot;tablet&quot;,&quot;mobile&quot;],&quot;sticky_effects_offset&quot;:0}\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-xs\" href=\"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/content\/parent-part-time-care-careparison\" id=\"childminder_cta\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">Find nannies near you<\/span>\n\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Perhaps you\u2019ve experienced that sinking feeling. You\u2019re not happy with how things are going.\u00a0 You know you need to have THAT conversation.\u00a0 But you don\u2019t want to make the situation worse. Or, perhaps things are going really well but there are a few things nagging at the back of your head.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":61,"featured_media":210,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[141],"tags":[153],"hashtags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/201"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/61"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=201"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/201\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":24019,"href":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/201\/revisions\/24019"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/210"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=201"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=201"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=201"},{"taxonomy":"hashtags","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.korukids.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/hashtags?post=201"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}