The wrong kind of praise can do real harm.
It can make kids less resilient and more anxious.
Here’s what to do instead:
It’s tempting to say “You’re so clever!” to your child.
Maybe you think they are!
Or maybe you think they need encouragement.
But this sort of praise, repeated over time, can in fact wire the brain in ways that can undermine motivation and self-belief.
Praising traits like “smart” or “talented” teaches children that success is about who they are, not what they do.
According to Stanford research (Dweck et al), these children are more likely to avoid challenge, give up quickly, and experience greater anxiety.
Other phrases to avoid:
🫠 Vague praise like “well done!” gives no information. It makes children dependent on external approval, rather than helping them reflect or grow.
🏆 Performance praise like “You’re the best!” turns learning into a competition. It’s often linked to perfectionism, social comparison, and fear of failure.
👇 So what should we do instead?
✅ Focus on effort: “You worked so hard on that puzzle.”
✅ Highlight strategies: “You found a new way to solve it.”
✅ Tune into their experience: “You looked so calm while painting.”
These small shifts build ‘intrinsic motivation’.
This is the drive to keep going because it feels good, not because someone clapped.
Specific, process-focused praise creates more resilient learners, stronger problem solvers, and children who trust themselves to figure things out.
(See the carousel for more details!)
What do you think – worth the effort?
