I love seeing the parents at the playground that let their kids actually climb on the equipment.
Without hovering two inches underneath them or shouting ‘careful’ every 3 seconds.
The parents that are observing, but not controlling.
These parents are not ignoring risk.
They’re balancing TWO different types of risk against each other:
What’s the risk of the kid falling?
vs
What’s the risk of the kid *not experiencing risk*?
If we interrupt every risk, soothe every discomfort, and step in every time…
Children’s brains learn:
“I’m not safe unless someone fixes it.”
This is what researchers call ‘safetyism’.
Here’s what actually happens neurologically:
– Minor stress floods the system with cortisol
– The brain starts treating discomfort like real danger
– Kids avoid challenge, and confidence never forms
– They grow up expecting comfort, not coping
Ironically, ‘safetyism’ makes kids LESS safe.
So what do we do instead?
✅ Let them climb the tree
✅ Let them feel bored or left out
✅ Don’t fix the friendship wobble
✅ Don’t reward panic with rescue
✅ Say “You’re safe, and you can handle this”
It’s the longer route to safety, but the better one.
