Maybe you’ve noticed this in the past couple of weeks…
The smiling kid you pick up at 3pm has turned into a storm by 3:30pm.
Crying, snapping, moody, rude, defiant or ‘lazy’.
… It’s not just you!!
(Especially at this time of year)
There’s actually a name for this: “After-school restraint collapse”.
Here’s what’s going on:
Self-regulation is REALLY tiring, so kids burn through emotional energy by behaving at school all day.
It’s especially tiring at the start of the year with so much to get used to.
Then, when the kids get home, they finally feel safe enough to release.
Meanwhile, they might also be hungry, thirsty, tired, and suffering sensory overload.
At this point, you ask a simple question (like “How was your day?”), or remind them to put their school bag away… and it’s just too much for their depleted brain.
They collapse or lash out.
And you’re left thinking, “Wait, what did I do?”
Or even, “What’s wrong with my kid?!”
The great news is that there are LOTS of practical things you can do to help.
Here are the 10 tips we offer our Koru Kids after-school nannies to help children after school:
1. Snack + water on arrival
2. Quiet decompression time
3. Hold back on questions
4. Encourage movement
5. Delay homework and chores
6. Validate their effort
7. Predictable rituals
8. Teach calming tools
9. Prioritise sleep
10. Reduce sensory overload
All of these are aimed exactly at the problems that cause after-school restraint collapse.
See the carousel below for full details.
After school restraint collapse can feel really unfair — the world is getting the best bits of your kid, and you’re picking up the pieces.
It might help to think of your role as a very special one.
The reason they collapse around you is because they feel so SAFE.
