As a parent, you often instinctively want to ‘talk things out’.
But that ONLY WORKS if your child’s brain is ready.
In the heat of emotion, it often isn’t.
Here’s what’s actually happening:
🔥 The amygdala is firing
🏔️ Cortisol is peaking
🙊 Language centres shut down
🧠Logical thought is offline
Your child literally can’t explain how they feel.
So when you ask,
“Why did you do that?” or
“How did that make you feel?”
Sorry, but your question is doomed. You’re not going to get any insight.
You’re going to get ‘shutdown’, or guilt. Or, best case scenario, maybe a guess.
You might get whatever the kid thinks is most likely to make YOU stop talking.
If your spidey-senses predict that kind of reaction, try these instead:
– Sit beside them. Don’t ask questions
– Offer a deep hug or cushion
– Let them throw a ball against a wall 20 times [you know your kid! whatever works]
– Say: “I’m here when you’re ready.”
WAIT.
Then later – maybe even the next day! – they might be more ready to talk.
Talking is a beautiful tool.
It just isn’t always the right first one.
