Most parents don’t say sorry to toddlers.
They assume the child won’t understand — or think apologising means giving up authority.
But here’s what the evidence says:
Apologies from caregivers, even in toddlerhood, strengthen:
✅ Attachment security (Cassidy, 2008)
✅ Moral internalisation (Kochanska, 2002)
✅ Self-regulation (Eisenberg et al., 2001)
In other words: making a mistake as a parent and then repairing it teaches children some incredibly important and foundational skills.
If you’re already saying sorry, you’re several steps ahead!
Here’s how to absolutely maximise the impact of your ‘sorry’ — even for a 2-year-old:
The 4-step script:
1️⃣ “I shouted.” (What you did)
2️⃣ “That scared you.” (How it felt to them)
3️⃣ “I’m sitting with you.” (You’re safe now)
4️⃣ “I’ll help fix the blocks.” (Repair together)
Here’s what you don’t need to do:
❌ Give adult-sized explanations
❌ Feel guilt or shame
❌ Command your child to say sorry, or to hug/kiss
If you follow this 4-step script more often than not, your child will absorb your steady, respectful modelling…
And evidence shows they’ll grow up to be a child who is more able to deal with their emotions and take responsibility.
It’s almost enough to want you to mess up just so you can say sorry!
(Don’t worry, I’m sure we all mess up enough already.)
