We’ve ALL had moments where we yelled at our kids.
What matters is what happens NEXT.
Here’s exactly what to do:
First, don’t feel bad.
You’re human, and parenting is incredibly hard.
And kids are experts at knowing how to annoy their family members!
In fact, the research says that ‘rupture’ isn’t necessarily the big deal you might think it is.
What matters much more is what you do AFTER the ‘rupture’ – what experts call the ‘repair’.
In fact, ‘repair after rupture’ is exactly what builds long-term resilience and emotional safety.
Which is fine except…. most parents were never shown how to ‘repair’!
So we either withdraw (“They’ll get over it”)
Or we overtalk it in the heat of the moment — when the child’s brain is still flooded with cortisol and adrenaline.
Here’s a better way.
5 steps based on the science of stress, attachment, and co-regulation.
1️⃣ Wait at least 20–30 minutes
Their nervous system (and yours) needs to come back online. No talking until then.
2️⃣ Begin gently, without pressure
“I didn’t like how I handled that.”
You’re reopening the door.
3️⃣ Own your impact, not just your intention
“I think my shouting felt scary.”
This models responsibility without shame.
4️⃣ Narrate the event calmly and neutrally
This helps your child integrate the experience — and reminds them they’re not alone in it.
5️⃣ Reconnect with warmth
Maybe a cuddle, a snack, or a game.
Don’t use it as a distraction, but rather to re-anchor the bond.
Do these things and you’ll be building emotional literacy, and a sense of safety.
Genuinely, gifts that last a lifetime.
