A huge study looked into why some children develop a ‘victim’ mindset
The answer was astoundingly simple (and useful!)
University of Bristol researchers have been following 14,000 families since 1991.
In one part of this enormous study, researchers wanted to understand why some children believe they can’t change things, but are victims of control located outside themselves.
Starting before the children were even born, they studied something you don’t usually see in parenting research:
The parents’ belief about control.
Researchers found two types of parents:
– Those who saw life outcomes as mostly shaped by their own actions (‘internal’), and
– Those who saw life as shaped mostly by luck, fate, or others (‘external’).
What was really astonishing was how ‘hereditary’ these beliefs turned out to be.
– ‘Internal’ parents’ had kids who felt they could influence what happened in their own lives
– ‘External’ parents had kids who felt outcomes were beyond their control
The beliefs were passed on by the parents through their words, attitudes, and everyday interactions.
The BRILLIANT thing about this finding is that it shows how we can be deliberate and conscious about our children’s beliefs.
Like – avoiding rescuing too quickly, over-directing, or modelling helplessness.
Instead, bringing simple phrases into your parenting like
– “What do you want to try first?”
– “You’ve done tricky things before”
– “Let’s figure it out together“
So kids DON’T learn…
“The world is dangerous”
“You’re fragile”
“Someone else has to fix this”
And that doesn’t become a default script that follows them for life.
I made a carousel with more details below.
