Unpopular opinion: A lot of modern parenting accidentally teaches children to be victims.
And it’s really harmful to them in the long run.
I’ve caught myself doing it.
– Acting over-dramatically in response to a minor event.
– Narrating my child as delicate, when I had a choice not to.
Over time, responses like this can teach kids to feel fragile, even if they’re not. And make ‘victim’ a comfortable place to be.
The more that ‘victim’ part of their identity grows, ironically, the LESS safe they are.
Here are 7 subtle ways parents accidentally teach victimhood:
1️⃣ Intervening in every social conflict
2️⃣ Over-validating every emotion
3️⃣ Narrating them as sensitive, anxious, or “not great with change”
4️⃣ Calling others “mean” too fast
5️⃣ Talking too much, too soon after an upset
6️⃣ Removing expectations when they’re upset
7️⃣ Letting feelings excuse behaviour
All of these are understandable!
They’re protective.
It’s deeply ironic that they send the wrong message to the brain.
A better approach is a more balanced one:
✅ Name feelings once, then help them regulate
✅ Let children experience discomfort with support (and discourage avoidance)
✅ Hold them to age-appropriate responsibilities even when they’re upset
✅ Encourage reflection, rather than rumination
It’s tough to get this balance right.
But do you agree with me that it’s worth trying?
