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Congratulations on hiring your nanny! We’re really excited that you have decided to work together. These are the top tips that our families and nannies have shared with us for a great family-nanny relationship.
We think communication is the most important thing in a healthy working relationship. Almost all of the advice we give on any topic comes down to speaking to each other openly, honestly, and regularly.
What a nanny might be thinking and feeling:
“There’s so much that happens every day, there’s no time to pass it all on as I’m heading out the door, sometimes I remember things when I get home that I should have passed on like a bruise and I worry that the family will think I’m irresponsible for not explaining it. I’d be happy to stay longer to talk through things but then I feel guilty about taking up the family’s time when they’re home.”
What a family can do to help:
What a family might be thinking and feeling:
“I really miss my children during the day and I’d really love to see pictures of all the fun they get up to with the nanny but I’m worried the nanny will think I don’t trust them if I check in too much. So much happens in my children’s days and because I don’t pick them up from school I don’t get to chat to their teacher very often, I’d love for my nanny to talk to me about what’s happened during the day when I come home but they always seem like they’re rushing out the door.’
What a nanny can do to help:
Even in the best working relationship there will always be things that could be going better and it’s important to tell each other. If there’s nothing you think could be better, tell your nanny or family that!
The end-of-day handover is a great opportunity for both nanny and family to give each other feedback about how you can best support each other. We think that regular informal feedback keeps any little niggles from building up and helps everyone stay on the same page.
It’s also a great idea to put some time in the diary for nannies and parents to sit down together for some more in-depth feedback every month. This doesn’t have to be anything scary, it can just be a cup of tea at the kitchen table, but it does give everyone the chance to reflect on what’s going really well and if there’s anything that’s not going so well. Planning this chat ahead of time gives both sides a chance to think about what they’d like to discuss, which will help you get the most out of the conversation. Remember, always try to be constructive with the feedback you give, and don’t neglect to talk about the positives as well as what you’d like to change.
What a nanny might be thinking and feeling:
“ Even though I get on well with the children, I worry if the family think I’m doing a good job. I only see them for a few minutes at the end of each shift so we never really get a proper chance to talk about how things are going. I have some little questions but I never seen to be able to find a good chance to ask them.”
What a family can do to help:
What a family might be thinking and feeling:
“ I have some little worries and some things I would like my nanny to do differently but I don’t know how to talk to them about them. They’re doing a good job generally so I don’t want them to feel unappreciated but I’m worried this might build into bigger issues if we don’t talk about them soon.”
What a nanny can do to help:
In any working relationship it’s important to value each other’s time and give plenty of notice if you need to change joint plans. This only becomes more important when children are involved as it’s best to give them as much consistency as possible.
Some flexibility is really useful when plans need to change, and this goes hand-in-hand with consideration for the others involved. Giving as much notice as possible gives everyone time to plan, e.g. families may need to arrange alternative childcare and nannies will need to be offered the hours another time so you’ll both need time to plan this. The minimum notice for cancelling a shift should always be 48 hours. Many families will pay for a shift that is cancelled with less than 48 hours notice because nannies relies on this role as a primary source of income. Parents coming home earlier than expected should be treated the same way and nannies should still be paid for the time they set aside for the shift.
It’s a good idea to discuss what would happen if the nanny is too ill to work. We expect nannies to go to work if they possibly can, but that it’s OK to have a film afternoon in these situations, as long as the children are picked up from school and are safe!
If anyone thinks they might have something contagious, they should let the others know, and come to an agreement about how to keep everyone safe.
What a nanny might be thinking and feeling:
“I feel unwell this morning, I think I’m coming down with a cold, I could go to work but I could really do with some rest and I don’t think I would have the energy to do anything particularly exciting with the children. I don’t know if the family are able to arrange alternative childcare before this afternoon. I think I should probably just go but I don’t want to make the children sick.”
What a family can do to help:
What a family might be thinking and feeling:
“My nanny called in sick at noon today so I spent my lunch break trying to arrange alternative childcare. I still couldn’t find anything so I had to leave work really early to make sure the children got picked up in time. I understand my nanny’s not feeling very well and might not be up to all of the energetic activities they usually do with the children but I’ve been left in such a tight spot without a nanny today”
What a nanny can do to help
Children need as much consistency as possible so it’s really important that there are clear boundaries. Experience has taught us that one of the keys to this is that families and nannies act as a team – a united front.
At the start of the arrangement, it’s important for the parents and nanny to establish the nanny’s authority which will empower them to keep the children safe when under their care. Having a conversation with all the adults (parents and nanny) and children together, where the parents can explain to the children that the nanny is in charge when they’re around demonstrates to the kids that the adults are a united front, and helps create authority for the nanny early on.
If you’ve told the children they can or can’t do something tell the other adults so they don’t accidentally contradict you. It’s best to do this in a WhatsApp group with the parents and nanny or mention it during end-of-shift handover. This is particularly important where there have been any safety and behaviour issues.
You won’t be able to cover every eventuality, but it’s a good idea to talk about some common situations where children might try to push the boundaries, and what the nanny should do in those situations. This will help them to be consistent with the family’s normal rules and use their judgement in new situations.
It’s totally normal for there to be a honeymoon period at the beginning where the children are on their best behaviour, and equally it is totally normal for children to test the boundaries with a new adult. This helps them to feel safe.
What a nanny might be thinking and feeling:
“The children don’t always listen to me. I’m concerned that when the children don’t listen to me I struggle to keep them under control and keep them safe and it makes me feel unsure of myself and stressed that I won’t be able to get the things done that I need to get done. I worry that I’m doing the wrong thing if I put consequences in place, and am not sure what sort of consequences the parents would be OK with me using. I don’t want to be too soft or too harsh!”
What a family can do to help:
What a family might be thinking and feeling
“I don’t always know the full story of what’s happened that day, and so may inadvertently undermine the nanny if I just hear one side from my children. I worry that the nanny isn’t consistent with the boundaries that I put in place and that might mean that homework doesn’t get done.”
What nannies can do to help:
We know that every family is unique and has different needs for their nanny so we leave the responsibilities of the role a little bit open. Families and nannies can adapt the role as much as they like as long as you’re both happy with any changes.
We all remember a time when someone was late to pick us up and how it made us feel. Children don’t go to a logical or reasonable explanation like “Oh they must just be stuck in traffic”. Not only will children think they’ve been forgotten about and that no one cares about them, they may even try to make their own way home and run into danger. Because of this nannies should always err on the side of being early. Nannies aren’t paid extra for being early as making sure you’re there on time is the most important part of your role.
We think the first couple of weeks are a really important time for nannies to build relationships with the children so we recommend limiting other responsibilities first to create time and space for them to bond.
All of our nannies are expected to supervise homework, make simple meals and tidy up after each activity but once the nanny has settled in there may be some other things that they could do to help out! Some of our nannies are experts in a subject area and would love to do some extra tutoring, some are keen cooks who challenge themselves to come up with new recipes, and some are more than happy to do some extra cleaning. The best thing to do is to talk about what else could or should be included in the role, maybe at your first monthly check in, and mutually agree any additional responsibilities. Make sure to think about what it’s really possible to accomplish in the working hours alongside the childcare though, and remember that this can be regularly revisited. We recommend that you revisit responsibilities after the first month, and at least every 2 months after that. Remember that things can change on the nanny side and the family side throughout the year, and it’s worth checking that the arrangements still suit everyone.
What a nanny might be thinking and feeling:
“When I first started I was really focused on getting to know the children so it was really helpful when the parents left prepared meals to take some of pressure off. Now I feel a bit more confident I’d love to make things a bit easier for them by making dinner myself but I’m not sure if they want me to. I’m still not sure exactly what they expect or want me to do.”
What a family can do to help
What a family might be thinking and feeling:
“I was happy to keep doing some of the things I was really hoping the nanny could do at some point while my nanny was settling in but now I don’t know to ask them to take some of these bits on. I can’t keep doing everything so it’s really important that my nanny takes on a few extra responsibilities but I’m not certain what it’s okay to ask for.”
What a nanny can do to help:
We are always around to support you. Just email us at care@korukids.co.uk or speak to someone on the phone by calling 02080505678. We’d also love to hear your feedback on this guide and if there are any of your concerns we’ve missed.
Aside from everything we have all learned at Koru Kids while supporting our nannies and families, our team have a wealth of knowledge about working with children and working with the people who work with children! Our team is made up of former teachers, foster carers, and nannies, and parents with nannies so we are more than prepared to help with any issues you might be having.
