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Caring for children comes with unique challenges—but also incredible rewards. As a nanny, you play a vital role in helping children navigate their world with confidence. This guide is part of ‘Understanding Neurodivergence,’ an 8-part series designed to give you practical, easy-to-use strategies to support children in their daily lives. From managing transitions and sensory needs, to supporting emotional regulation and communication skills, we’ll help equip you with real, actionable techniques to create a nurturing, structured, and empowering environment for the children in your care. Whether you’re new to these challenges or looking to refine your approach, this series will help you support each child’s unique strengths and needs—one step at a time.
Unlocking Confidence: Guiding Children Through Social Moments
Supporting neurodivergent children in social settings like playdates or school can feel challenging. They may struggle with unpredictable interactions, sensory overload, or understanding social cues – leading to anxiety or withdrawal. As their nanny, you play a vital role in building their confidence and skills. By creating structured, low-pressure opportunities and using simple, practiced techniques, you can help them navigate these interactions.
This guide offers actionable strategies to facilitate positive social experiences, reduce overwhelm, and empower these children to connect meaningfully – helping them thrive in their unique way.
Building Foundations Through Structured Play
Start by creating predictable social experiences. Short, one-on-one playdates with a familiar friend are a great place to start. Actively supervise these sessions, gently guiding interactions rather than leaving children to navigate alone. Choose activities with clear rules and a defined endpoint – like board games, collaborative Lego builds, or simple crafts – rather than open-ended free play that can feel overwhelming.
Before the playdate begins, set clear expectations using simple language and visual aids if helpful: “First, we’ll build with blocks for 15 minutes (showing a timer), then we’ll have snack time, then outdoor play.” Leverage the child’s special interests to boost engagement; a dinosaur-loving child might thrive in a themed drawing session or fossil hunt game, providing a natural conversation starter. Explicitly teach and model turn-taking and sharing using clear phrases like, “It’s Maya’s turn with the train now. Your turn is next!” Visual supports like a “wait” card or a physical token passed between children make abstract concepts concrete.
Practicing Social Skills with Role-Play & Scripts
Rehearse common social scenarios before they happen in real life to build confidence and reduce anxiety. Work together on simple, reusable “social scripts” for greetings (“Hi [Name], can I play too?”), joining activities, sharing (“Would you like a turn?”), asking for help, or managing disagreements. Practice these through role-play: you take the role of another child first, then swap and let the child practice responding. Keep it positive and focus on one or two key skills per session. Create simple visual supports like cue cards showing steps for specific situations, such as joining a game or saying goodbye. Briefly explain the “why” behind social actions to build understanding: “Taking turns helps everyone feel included,” or “Saying ‘thank you’ shows we appreciate someone’s help.”
Crafting Low-Pressure Social Environments
Proactively managing the environment around a child can help to minimise sensory and emotional overwhelm. Choose quieter venues for meet-ups: a calm corner of the park, home, or a sensory-friendly library session rather than bustling soft-play centres. Always bring a toolkit of sensory regulators: noise-cancelling headphones for loud spaces, a discreet fidget toy for waiting times, sunglasses for bright lights, or a familiar comfort object. Empower the child to use these tools freely.
Keep social interactions intentionally short initially – a successful, positive 20-30 minutes is far more valuable than a stressful hour. Gradually extend the duration as the child’s comfort grows. Prepare the child beforehand: discuss who will be there, what activities might happen, and where you’ll be going, using photos or social stories if possible. Arriving early to a new location allows quiet exploration before the social demands begin.
Guiding & Supporting During Interactions
Your active, sensitive presence is crucial during social moments. Focus on facilitating positive connections rather than forcing constant interaction. It’s perfectly valid if the child observes quietly, engages with just one peer, or needs parallel play (alongside others). Celebrate subtle successes warmly: “You shared the toys so nicely!” or “I saw you listening carefully to Leo’s story.”
If play becomes overwhelming or conflicts arise, step in calmly to redirect (“Let’s take a break and get a drink”) or suggest an alternative activity before frustration escalates. Gently advocate for the child if others seem confused by their communication style (avoiding eye contact, using stims like hand-flapping to regulate). Offer simple, positive explanations if appropriate: “She wears her headphones to help her concentrate,” or “He’s really excited when he jumps like that.”
Reflecting & Collaborating for Consistency
After any social outing, briefly and positively debrief. Focus on what went well: “You did a great job waiting for your turn on the swing!” Avoid interrogating the child about specific interactions. Share observations (both strengths and challenges) with parents. Consistency across home, school, and childcare settings is powerful – if a visual schedule or specific social script works well at school, use it during your time together too.
Embrace a neurodiversity-affirming approach: recognise that the child’s way of interacting may look different, but it’s equally valid. Your patience in celebrating small steps, structuring predictable interactions, and reducing pressure builds the trust and confidence they need to navigate the social world at their own unique pace.
Final Thoughts:
As with any element of childcare, open communication with parents is essential. Discuss their child’s specific needs and effective strategies. By working together, you can provide a consistent and supportive environment that helps the child thrive.
By being aware of sensory sensitivities and making thoughtful adjustments, nannies create a comfortable and supportive environment that allows children to feel safe, secure, and better able to engage with the world around them. With patience, understanding, and proactive strategies, nannies can play a vital role in helping neurodivergent children thrive.
If you’d like further support or advice, you can check out the resources below, or reach out to the team at Koru Kids to speak to one of our in-house support team.
Further resources:
- National Autistic Society – Making Friends
- Reframing Autism – Friendship, Loneliness and Belonging in Autistic People
- ADHD Foundation – Social interaction and Autism
- Cambridgeshire Community Services NHS Trust – Communication for neurodivergent children and young people
- Bright Horizons – 4 Ways to Help Your Neurodivergent Child Build Social Connections
