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Caring for children comes with unique challenges—but also incredible rewards. As a nanny, you play a vital role in helping children navigate their world with confidence. This guide is part of ‘Understanding Neurodivergence,’ an 8-part series designed to give you practical, easy-to-use strategies to support children in their daily lives. From managing transitions and sensory needs, to supporting emotional regulation and communication skills, we’ll help equip you with real, actionable techniques to create a nurturing, structured, and empowering environment for the children in your care. Whether you’re new to these challenges or looking to refine your approach, this series will help you support each child’s unique strengths and needs—one step at a time.
Emotional regulation: Teaching kids how to manage big feelings:
Children experience a range of emotions every day, but for some children, these emotions can feel bigger, more intense, and more tricky to manage. As a nanny, you play a key role in helping children recognise, express, and regulate their emotions in a safe and supportive way.
This guide covers simple, actionable techniques to help children manage big feelings and prevent emotional overwhelm.
Validating Children's Feelings & Emotions
When a child is experiencing big emotions, it’s vital to validate what they’re feeling, to help them feel understood and supported. Instead of dismissing their feelings with phrases like “You’re fine” or “It’s not a big deal,” acknowledge what they’re experiencing by saying, “I can see that you’re really frustrated right now” or “It makes sense that you feel upset about this.” Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with their reaction, but it reassures them that their emotions are real and important. When children feel heard, they are more likely to calm down and develop healthier ways to process their emotions over time.
Recognising Early Signs of Emotional Dysregulation
Some children can struggle to recognise or express their emotions verbally. Instead of telling you they feel anxious or frustrated, they may show it through their behaviour. They might start pacing, fidgeting, or repeating certain movements like rocking or tapping. Others may speak louder than usual, make repetitive sounds, or withdraw completely from the situation. If a child is feeling overwhelmed, they might clench their fists, tense their muscles, or breathe faster.
Being able to spot these early signs allows you to intervene before emotions escalate into a meltdown. If you notice the child becoming agitated, you can calmly acknowledge their feelings and offer support. A simple phrase like, “I can see you’re starting to feel frustrated. Let’s take a break,” can help children feel understood and give them a chance to self-regulate before things get out of control. Some children may learn to recognise the signs themselves, and use their own strategies to cope.
Helping Children Recognise Their Own Emotions
Teaching children to recognise their emotions and signs of dysregulation can help them develop better self-regulation skills over time. Many children struggle to identify what they’re feeling, so using simple tools like emotion charts, facial expression flashcards, or color-coded ‘zones of regulation’ can help them make the connection between their internal state and their actions. Reading books about emotions together can also be a great way to explore feelings in a safe and structured way. Stories with relatable characters navigating big emotions help children see their own experiences reflected and give them language to describe their feelings.
Encouraging children to check in with themselves—by asking, “How does your body feel right now?” or “Do you feel calm, wiggly, or frustrated?”—helps build awareness. Modelling this behaviour may also be helpful. Some children may also benefit from physical cues, such as being guided to notice when their heart is racing, their hands are clenching, or they are restless. By consistently guiding them to name their feelings and connect them to their physical state, you help them recognise early signs of distress and begin to use self-soothing strategies before emotions become overwhelming.
Creating a Calm-Down Space
Having a designated calm-down corner at home can be incredibly useful for children who need time and space to process their emotions. This should be a quiet, comfortable area where they can go when they start to feel overwhelmed. A soft bean bag, a cosy blanket, or a small tent can create a feeling of security. Dimming the lights or using a small lamp instead of bright overhead lighting can also help create a more soothing environment.
Adding comforting objects, such as a favourite teddy, a sensory toy, or noise-cancelling headphones, are also good additions to the calm-down space. When a child begins to struggle, gently encouraging them to use their calm-down space can prevent an emotional outburst from escalating. You might say, “Let’s go to your quiet corner for a little while. We can sit together until you feel ready to play again.”
Teaching Simple Breathing Exercises
Breathing exercises can be a great way to help children calm their bodies when they feel overwhelmed. Simple techniques like “Smell the flower, blow out the candle” can make deep breathing fun and easy to remember. Ask the child to pretend to smell a flower as they take a deep breath in, then blow out a pretend candle with a slow, steady exhale.
Another approach is “balloon breathing”, where the child imagines blowing up a balloon, making each exhale long and controlled.
You can also try “turtle breathing”. This is where they pretend to be a turtle, and time their breaths with the long, slow strokes of a swimming turtle. You can practice these techniques with them when the child is calm, so they can be more comfortable using them in moments when they start to feel upset.
Using Sensory Tools for Emotional Regulation
Some children regulate their emotions best when they have something to keep their hands busy. Providing small sensory tools, like a stress ball or a fidget toy, can help redirect nervous energy and reduce frustration. Fidget spinners, pop-it toys, and textured objects can give children something to focus on, which can make it easier for them to process their emotions.
If a child is sensitive to noise, playing calming music or using white noise can create a more peaceful atmosphere. Some children may also benefit from movement-based regulation, such as jumping, stretching, or squeezing a weighted pillow. Experimenting with different sensory tools can help you discover what works best for the child in your care.
Adding comforting objects, such as a favourite teddy, a sensory toy, or noise-cancelling headphones, are also good additions to the calm-down space. When a child begins to struggle, gently encouraging them to use their calm-down space can prevent an emotional outburst from escalating. You might say, “Let’s go to your quiet corner for a little while. We can sit together until you feel ready to play again.”
Final thoughts
Helping children manage big emotions takes patience, understanding, and the right tools. As a nanny, you can make a huge difference by recognising early signs of distress, providing a calming space, teaching simple breathing exercises, and using sensory strategies. When a child is overwhelmed, staying calm and offering support can help them regain control and feel safe.
Praising a child when they’re able to successfully identify their emotions and use self-regulation strategies also reinforces these positive coping skills, and encourages them to manage their emotions more independently in the future.
As with any element of childcare, it’s really important to speak with parents or carers to understand what strategies or techniques they use when their child is feeling overwhelmed. This will help you provide some continuity for the child, and give them the best support. If you want to try something different, you should always discuss this with the parents beforehand to double-check they’re comfortable with you doing this, and to keep your support aligned with their existing routines.
By creating a structured and supportive environment, you’ll empower children to better understand and regulate their emotions over time. Small adjustments—like using a fidget toy, recognising the early signs of emotional overwhelm, or encouraging deep breathing—can have a big impact on their ability to handle everyday challenges.
If you’d like further support or advice, you can check out the resources below, or reach out to the team at Koru Kids to speak to one of our in-house support team.
Further resources:
- The Challenging Behaviour Foundation – Resources and Guidance
- National Autistic Society – Meltdowns
- Young Minds – When Emotions Explode & Helping a Young Person Manage Anger
- NHS – How to help with your autistic child’s behaviour
- Reframing Autism – Emotional Regulation: What is it and Why is it so Hard?
- North Lincolnshire CAMHS: Emotional Regulation
