Bite-sized nanny training

Hi there, I'm Rachel Carrell, the CEO and founder of Koru Kids. In this series, I talk about real situations that arise with our nannies and families, and I give some hints and tips.

Today we're going to be talking about how you as a nanny can help a two-year-old who isn't talking yet. This episode was sparked by a conversation with a family whose child has a slight speech delay. So we're going to be talking about what kind of activities a nanny can do with a child like this to support them. We'll talk about things like silly conversations, nursery rhymes, big exaggerated play and lots of other ideas, and we'll talk about why these are brilliant things to do with a two-year-old who's got a little speech delay.

So I want to start by taking a step back, and thinking about what "not talking yet" really means. Talking and communicating are two totally different things. A two-year-old who isn't saying words yet is almost certainly communicating with you all day long. They might be pointing, reaching, taking you by the hand and pulling you to the fridge, pushing away a bowl of something she doesn't fancy, making sounds, looking at the things she wants, looking at you. All of that is communication. It just isn't words yet.

And the other thing to know is that children understand words a long time before they can say them. So the first thing is: assume she's taking in everything. Talk to her normally, tell her what's happening next, and never talk about her in front of her as if she can't follow, because she probably can.

It's worth saying, of course, that children start talking at very different ages. Now, I can't tell you what's going on for any particular child, because I don't know, and neither do you as a nanny. That's really one for the parents, together with their health visitor, or a speech and language therapist if they're seeing one. Your job is different, and it's a really big and really important one. You're with this child for hours every week. Even though you might not be an expert in any of this stuff, that still makes you one of the most important people in her life for hearing words, and for practising using them.

So what do we mean by big exaggerated play? I used that phrase before. Why is it so helpful? Well, there's a good reason for it. Children learn to talk through back and forth, through thousands and thousands of tiny exchanges. The child does something, like makes a sound, or points to something, or gives a look, and the adult responds, and then the child does something back. Researchers at places like Harvard, which is one of the main places that thinks about this, call this "serve and return". It's kind of like tennis. She serves, you hit it back, she serves again. You don't need to know that name particularly. Just remember the tennis: the ball going back and forth, back and forth across the court.

And this exaggerated way of talking has a name too. I'm going to do some in a second, and you'll know what I'm talking about. It's called parentese, like Japanese, but parentese. It's that slow, sing-song, stretchy way of talking, like "Oh, look at the big dog!", and a lot of us slip into it without even thinking when we see a baby. It's really natural: "Oh, look at your lovely little feeties!" You make your eyes big, you might have a big smile, you stretch the words out. And yes, OK, it can feel a bit ridiculous, but it actually has a really important function. It's easier for a little brain to pick up. The words are slower, you're making the sounds clearer, and your face is giving extra clues, because people do these big facial expressions. So it's also more interesting to watch, and that means the child keeps watching you for longer.

So that's what we mean by this sort of exaggeration. Sometimes it's seen as a bit babyish, and occasionally you hear people say it's not a good thing to do. It actually really is a good thing to do. So now you know what it is, and now you know why.

I want to give you another picture to keep in your head, which is about sports commentary. Sometimes it's called sportscasting, or you could think of it as being a football commentator. If you think about how a football commentator talks, they don't stop the match to ask the players questions. They don't test anyone. They just literally say what's happening, as it happens, but they do it with enormous excitement. So let's imagine that you're a football commentator. You've just finished at the World Cup, you've come home, and now you're commentating on your child: "And she's going for the red brick. She's got it. She's lifting it up, and it's in the box! What a goal!"

I have to say, I do this sometimes with my kids, and I've got a child who's eight and they absolutely freaking love it. They love being commentated on. But it's brilliant for younger kids, like a two-year-old, as well.

She is the star player. (I'm going to say "she" in this recording, because the question was about a girl.) She is the star player, and you're commentating on her match. "You're climbing! Up, up, up, and down the slide!" Or, "Oh, you've found a spoon. It's a big spoon. Bang, bang, bang on the pot!" It's short phrases, it's lots of energy, and it's all about what she's doing right now.

And the cool thing about being a commentator is that you're never going to run out of material, because the match never ends. It's always on. You don't have to set aside any special sessions. This is something you can do while you're doing anything else. You can do it during a nappy change. That's actually brilliant, because you're face to face, and the facial expression is important. You can do it over lunch, at bath time, getting shoes on, walking to the park, sitting on the bus looking out of the window. There is always something to commentate on, and no one's going to complain if you get wildly over-excited about a spoon.

I'm going to give you a whole bunch of ideas now, and it's going to be quite a lot, sorry. I don't want you to worry about memorising them all. You might pick two or three and just start there, or you might come back to this recording. I just want to flood you with ideas right now.

The first thing is that it's a good idea to get down to her level. Sit on the floor, lie on your tummy, crouch down. She needs to see your face and your mouth, and if you're standing up talking down at her, mostly she's looking at your knees. So always try to get that face contact.

Then what you're going to want to do is follow her lead. Whatever she's interested in, that is the topic. If she's obsessed with the washing machine, then today you're talking about the washing machine. "Round and round! Look at it go! Round and round! When's it going to stop?" This is useful because it's so much easier to learn a word for the thing you're already looking at. Ideally, and I know this isn't always possible, you're commentating on everything all day long. I know it's tiring, but that's the idea.

Keep it short, and try to go one word longer than her. If she isn't using words yet, you just use single words and tiny phrases. You might say "Ball." "Big ball." "Ball gone!" Maybe she's using some words. Maybe she says "ba" and points at the ball. In that case, you'd say, "Ball! Yes, big ball!" You're always adding one. You're keeping it short, and going one word longer than her.

And then you wait. This can be quite hard for some people. After you say something, you stop, and you wait. One little tip is to count to ten in your head, slowly. It feels like forever. But a lot of little children, when they're learning, need that time to get their answer ready. I know I said you're commentating all day long, but you do need to have these gaps, because if we fill every gap, they never get a turn. Often it takes them a while, when they're learning, to remember and compose their thoughts, even for just one word.

Closely connected to that, try to treat everything she does as talking. If she points at her cup, she's telling you something. So respond as if she'd said it out loud. She might point to her cup, and you might say, "Cup! You want your cup. Here's your cup." We're repeating that word, cup. And you give it to her. What you don't do is hold it back until she says the word. She asked in the way she can, and it worked, and that's what makes her want to ask again.

You can also set up little reasons for her to communicate. For example, you could hold up two things and say, "Apple, or banana?" And then wait. Remember, count to ten in your head. She might point, or reach, or look, or make a sound, and you treat any of those as an answer.

Another thing you could try is putting a favourite toy where she can see it but can't reach it. We're not trying to torture her! We're just trying to get her to show, with some form of communication, whether that's a word or a point or whatever, that she wants it, and then you give it to her. You might give her a snack in a clear pot she can't open, so she needs to ask you. You might blow bubbles, then stop, and wait for her to ask for more in whatever way she can. I promise this is kind. You have to do it in a kind way. You're giving her reasons to say something, and then you're serving and returning. She asks, and you give.

And then there are nursery rhymes. Nursery rhymes are amazing for teaching kids to speak. It's great if you can sing them the same way every time, because the repetition is the key, and it's brilliant to have the actions too. Round and Round the Garden, Row, Row, Row Your Boat, Wind the Bobbin Up. Google those, or look them up on YouTube, if you don't know them. Once she knows one, you can leave off the last word. So you go, "Twinkle, twinkle, little..." and stop. You look at her with your big expectant eyes, and you wait. Even if all she does is a little sound, or a wiggle, or even just a look, she's taken her turn. That's the big deal. She might want the same song 40 times in a row. Sing it 40 times. The repetition is how she learns it.

Books are another brilliant one. Pick books with big, clear pictures, and don't worry about reading the words on the page. You can sit side by side, or with her on your lap, and let her turn the pages. Even if she goes backwards or skips half of them, that's fine. When she points at something, you name it: "Yellow duck!" And then wait, and see if she points again. If you can find lift-the-flap books, they're amazing, because there's a little surprise every time. You lift a flap and go, "Where's Spot? There he is!" She'll probably want the same book over and over, just like the songs. That is brilliant. Every time you read it, she hears the same words again. You can treat the words on the page as a prompt for you to talk, or you can just read the words on the page. Either is great.

Now, there's one thing almost all of us do with toddlers, and it's worth catching yourself doing it, which is quizzing. I'm sure you'll recognise this. It sounds something like: "What's this? What's this? Is it a dog? What does the dog say? What colour is the dog? Can you say dog? Say dog. Say dog. Dog!" Right. OK. So that's an exam, isn't it? Imagine someone doing that to you in a language you're only just starting to learn.

What you could do instead is the same thing, but commentator style instead of quizzing, exam style. You could say, "Dog! Big fluffy dog. Look, he's wagging his tail. Wag, wag, wag." In both of those examples, she's hearing all the same words, but in the second one nobody's asking her to perform. You can still ask her questions. You can do the apple-or-banana thing, where any kind of answer works. The thing to try to avoid, if you can, is asking her to produce a word on demand, because it's kind of setting her up not to win if she can't do it. And no one wants to keep playing a game they can't win. You want this to be a fun game. You want her to keep wanting to do all this language stuff.

I want to say something about how all this can feel. For a lot of people, this kind of play can feel embarrassing at first, especially if you're in someone else's home as a nanny. Maybe the parents are working in the next room and can hear you doing a full Wheels on the Bus, with actions. Some people aren't confident in their singing. And especially if you're someone who's more used to being practical with children, which is a great skill to have. I get it. I have definitely had times when I've been out in public doing some of this sports commentating, and I can feel another parent giving me a little bit of side-eye. It helps me to remind myself that the only audience that counts is her. And two-year-olds are the least critical audience in the world. You could have the worst singing voice in the country, and she will still think you're wonderful. The sillier you are, the more she watches your face. The more she watches your face, the more she's taking in, and you will be doing an amazing job.

A couple more things, just to finish. If you're fairly new to this family, remember that she's still getting to know you. Children tend to talk most with the people they feel safe with. So every time you play like this, you're helping her with words, and you're also helping her to know you and trust you. Those things are very connected. So give it time, maybe a few weeks. Don't expect her to chat away to you in week two. Just keep going without pushing: be playful, do that serve and return, and let her get to know that you're going to help her and have fun.

And work as a team with the parents. Obviously, they know this child better than anyone. So ask them: what sounds or words does she have already? Does she use any signs or gestures the family understands? You might ask what her favourite songs and games are. You might ask if a health visitor or a speech and language therapist has suggested anything. And then, ideally, you use the same things, so she's hearing the same words and the same songs. And you might tell them, at the end of the day, something you noticed. You know, "She pointed at the bus twice today," or, "She did the actions for Wind the Bobbin Up." Little, small things. Parents always love hearing this stuff. And over a few weeks, you'll all start to see the progress.

So, that was a lot. In summary: get down to her level, follow her lead, be her commentator, wait, and sing the same songs lots and lots of times.

If you're the nanny listening to this, the fact that you've listened at all tells me you want to get this right for her, and that's exactly what she needs from you. And if you're a parent listening, I hope this gives you and your nanny some ideas to try, maybe together.

We are here to support you. If you have any questions about this, or about anything specific to a child you're looking after, just email us. My team will make sure I see it.

Thank you so much for listening.

Hi there, I'm Rachel Carrell, the CEO and founder of Koru Kids, and in this series I talk about real situations that come up with our nannies and families, and give some hints and tips.

Today's question is from a parent. They've just had a baby, their nanny's going to be helping with naps and bedtime, and they want to know what the nanny needs to know about newborn sleep, and about safe sleep in particular. Now, of course, this nanny should already know about this stuff, so this answer is just a refresher on the basics. I'm going to give a second answer on this page with more advanced tips for parents, or perhaps nannies, for when you're doing all the basic stuff and the baby still isn't sleeping. But first I really want to cover the safe stuff.

If you're a Koru Kids nanny and you've done your Nurturing Little Ones training, which is our training for looking after under-fours, you'll have heard a lot of this before. Some of it, especially the safe sleep part, is so important it is worth hearing again, even if you've been looking after babies for years. So stick with me, and think of it as a refresher.

Let's start with safe sleep. Now, I know this is a hard thing to think about. About 200 babies a year in the UK die of sudden infant death syndrome, which you'll hear called SIDS. That is a frightening number, it is. And the reason I'm telling you that frightening number is that there are simple things that can lower the risk, and you can do them on every sleep, and should. So it's a list we're going to go through.

Firstly, you should always put a baby down on their back. Every sleep, day and night, including naps. The baby's cot should be clear, flat and firm. That means no pillows, no duvets, no bumpers and no soft toys. None of these new fancy products either: nothing weighted, no pods, no nests, no wedges, no straps.

For the first six months, a baby should sleep in the same room as an adult, and they should do that for every sleep, including daytime naps. So if you're the nanny and the baby goes down for a nap, you should stay in that room too.

Never fall asleep with a baby on a sofa or an armchair. This is one that people underestimate, and believe me, I've got three kids, I get it. You are tired, they're asleep on you, it feels really nice, but it is one of the most dangerous places for a baby to sleep. So if you feel yourself drifting off, put them down in the cot.

Sometimes babies fall asleep in the car, or on a bouncer or a swing. That is natural, it's going to happen, but it isn't somewhere that a baby should sleep for long. So if they nod off in the car seat, that's totally fine, but when you get where you're going, take them out and lie them down flat. The reason for this is that babies who sleep propped up can slump forward, and that can affect their breathing. A pram is totally fine if the base is completely flat.

And this is especially one for the summertime: keep them from getting too hot. The ideal temperature is a room of about 16 to 20 degrees, and don't put them in a hat indoors.

Now, OK, the reassuring bit. That was maybe the scary bit, with a lot of rules. A lot of what looks like a baby sleeping badly is actually a newborn sleeping completely normally. It's worth remembering that newborns don't have a body clock yet. Their body clock takes a couple of minutes to develop... a couple of months, not a couple of minutes, sorry! It takes a couple of months to develop. It would be cool if it was only a couple of minutes.

The way I think about it is this. Imagine you've flown in from a country that has no time zones. So this isn't like jet lag from New York. It's not like your baby knows it's the wrong time. It's more that you've flown in from a place where nobody has ever told your body that night is for sleeping. So you nap for a couple of hours, you wake up starving, you have a snack, you doze off again, and it makes no difference to you at all whether it's two in the afternoon or two in the morning. That is how it feels for a newborn. They have yet to learn the difference between day and night. So we get to teach them. We have to teach them.

They also have really small tummies, so they wake up to feed, often every two or three hours, around the clock. That is totally normal. This is not a problem to be fixed. And just in case you're wondering, it is too early for any kind of sleep training. Babies this young need someone to respond to them, and schedules or anything like that can come much later.

So how do you teach day and night? Think about daytime. Daytime is bright and busy. The curtains are open, there's normal noise in the house, maybe you're chatting away during feeds. Whereas night time is dark and dull.

And here is a mistake that a lot of people make. I've certainly made this mistake. The baby wakes up at 2am, and you go in and you put the big light on, and you go, "Oh hello! Look, gorgeous, who's awake? Look at you! Are you hungry? Are you? Yes you are!" And it's really nice, and you're kind of having fun. On this occasion, let's imagine you're in a good mood, or at least you're pretending to be in a good mood, even if you're feeling really grumpy. I mean, it's nice, but the problem is now the baby is wide awake, and the baby thinks it's party time.

So what you want to do instead is have a really dim light, a quiet voice, not much eye contact. You want to feed, wind, change the nappy if you need to, and put them straight back down. You're aiming for boring. Boring is your goal. At 2am, you want to be the least interesting person in the world.

Next, let's talk about timing. Newborns can only manage a short time awake before they get overtired. In the first few weeks, that's often not much more than an hour, sometimes less, and that includes the feed. An overtired baby is way harder to settle. You might think that if the baby gets more tired, they're going to be easier to settle, but that's not actually the case. So what you want to do is watch for the early signs. The baby's signals are actually a better guide than watching the clock. So watch for things like staring into space, jerky arm and leg movements, maybe turning their face away from you, yawning (that's kind of an obvious one). Those are your cues to start settling, before the baby starts crying.

And then you start the settling itself. You might find white noise helps, or shushing, or rocking, holding them close, a dummy if the parents use one. Some parents swaddle. If they do, try and do it their way, keep it below the shoulders and loose around the hips, and stop as soon as the baby shows any signs of rolling. I've got a personal favourite tip for white noise, by the way, but I'm going to tell you about that in the other answer, because my other answer is going to go into the more advanced tips.

Now, a couple of things to watch for that sit outside normal. If the baby is arching their back, or screaming during a feed or afterwards, bringing up a lot of milk, or not feeding well, if you're a nanny you should definitely tell the parents. This might be something like reflux, and the health visitor or your GP can check. Remember, as a nanny you don't need to diagnose anything. Your job is to notice and pass it on.

Now, some things can't wait for a parent to come home. There are some urgent things that you really want to respond to. If a baby under three months has a temperature of 38 degrees or more, you want to be calling 111. And call 999 if a baby is struggling to breathe, is very drowsy and hard to wake, or isn't responding the way they normally do. To remind you about those numbers: 111 is the number for urgent help when it isn't an emergency. That's for a baby under three months that has a temperature of 38 degrees. 999 is the emergency number, and that's for the more urgent things: struggling to breathe, very drowsy, hard to wake, or not responding the way they normally do. Don't wait for the parents to get home. Call immediately.

Last thing, and it's an easy one: try to keep a note of feeds, sleeps and wake-ups. After a while, say a week, that will give you and the parents, or the health visitor, a really good pattern to look at. Try to keep the same log as the parents, and then you'll be looking at the same picture.

So that is your refresher on the basics. Hopefully you knew all that already. That's great if you did. It's always useful to have a reminder of the details. So if all of that is already happening and the baby still isn't sleeping, have a listen to the other answer on this page. It's for the baby who's doing everything right on paper and is still up half the night, and for exhausted parents who are wondering what else to try, and you're trying to help them as the nanny.

If you have questions about this, or about a baby you're looking after, just email us. My team will make sure I see it. Thank you so much for listening, and good luck.

Hi there, I'm Rachel Carrell, the CEO and founder of Koru Kids, and in this series I talk about real situations that come up with our nannies and families, and give some hints and tips.

So today's question is from a dad. They've just had their second baby, a little boy, and he's really struggling to sleep at night. And this dad said, more or less, in his message: we know it's normal, we know all the usual stuff about daylight, but this new baby seems so much tougher than his sister was. Do you have any more advanced tips?

Unfortunately, I do not have a miracle, but I do have some things that go beyond the basics, and these are going to be useful for nannies and parents. Before I get into it, there's another answer on this page that covers the basics of newborn sleep, including the safe sleep rules. So everything that I'm going to say in a sec sits on top of those rules, and none of the tips replace them. So if you haven't heard that one, have a listen to it too.

So my first thought: something that jumped out of this dad's question was that this new baby is tougher than his sister. And I would advise these parents to take that seriously and think about it. Sometimes, when a baby is clearly harder than their older brother or sister, there's a physical reason for it. That could be reflux. It could be a cow's milk protein allergy. It could be a tongue tie. All of these things can make feeding uncomfortable, and a baby who's uncomfortable doesn't sleep well. So you might be seeing arching of the back. They might be pulling off the bottle or the breast. You might be seeing a lot of wind, or a lot of crying after feeds. That's something that, as a nanny, you would want to mention to the parents. As a parent, you would want to bring it up with your health visitor or your GP. If you're a nanny, write down what you're seeing. You're often the person who sees the most feeds in a day. You don't need to diagnose anything, but this is something that might really fix the problem, and the rest of my tips are going to help you work around the situation.

OK, so you're hearing the baby cry, or make some noise. The first thought is: wait a moment before you pick them up. Newborns are really noisy sleepers. They grunt, they squeak, they wriggle, and they sometimes cry out for a few seconds and then drift straight back off on their own. Don't rush in at the first noise. If you do, you can wake up a baby who was actually about to settle. If you're following the safe sleep rules, which you should be, you'll be in the room with them anyway, so you can see they're fine. Give it a minute or two and listen. If the crying builds, go to them, and if it fades, leave them be.

Now, you've probably been there. I've been there. Imagine the baby who falls beautifully asleep in your arms and then wakes up the second you put them down. I've been there countless times. If that's happening, the getting-to-sleep part is going fine. The bit to work on next is the move into the cot. And it might help to think about it from their perspective. You've dozed off on the sofa, you're warm, you're under a blanket, someone's got their arm around you, you can hear their heartbeat, and then you're scooped up and you're laid down on a cold kitchen floor. I mean, I would wake up too, and I would be quite cross. I think maybe you would be as well.

So a few things help. I want to give you a few very practical thoughts. Firstly, keep holding them until they're deeply asleep. This is usually going to be 15 or 20 minutes in. You'll be able to tell because their arms and legs will go floppy and feel really heavy. A good test is: if you lift a hand, does it just drop? That's what you're looking for. It just drops when they're really deeply asleep. Then lower them down. Another tip is to lower them down feet first, then their bottom, then their head last. Keep a hand on their chest for a minute once they're down, and take it away slowly. Of course, you're doing all of this lying them down on their back, in a clear cot.

Let's talk about evenings. A lot of newborns cluster feed in the evening. That means they feed on and off for a couple of hours. It can look like they are never full. They are bottomless pits! And it can be alarming if you haven't seen it before, but it is normal. It means they're filling up for the night.

And many families find it very helpful to do what's called a dream feed. That's a feed around 10 or 11 o'clock, given while the baby is still mostly asleep, just before the adults go to bed. Some families find it moves the baby's longest stretch of sleep into the hours when the parents are asleep too. It doesn't actually work for every baby, but it's definitely worth a try. So parents, it's your call. And nannies, if you are doing bedtime, ask the parents before you try it, and see if they're doing it too.

Now, this next one is especially for families with an older child, like this dad's. With a second baby, often the newborn's naps get chopped up by whatever's going on with the older kid: school runs, nursery pick-ups, swimming lessons, whatever. And I totally get this. I have three kids. I know it is really hard to optimise for everyone all at once. But what happens is the baby often ends up having lots of five-minute naps in the car seat or the pram, and they never have a proper nap. And that has a consequence. A baby who's overtired by the evening usually sleeps worse at night, rather than better. So if you can, and I know it's hard, try to protect one good nap a day, somewhere calm, in the cot or a flat pram. If you're a nanny, you are often the person holding the daytime routine together, so you are in a great position to do this, the best position.

And then let's talk about the parents. By the time a family is asking for sleep tips, the parents are usually shattered. What helps them most is often one proper block of unbroken sleep, and a maternity nurse or a night nanny can be very helpful. But if that's not practical, some parents split the night into shifts. One sleeps in one room with earplugs, while the other one does the feeds, and then they swap. And nannies, if a parent is at home while you're working, offering to take the baby so they can have a nap is one of the kindest things you can do. Tired parents make harder decisions about everything, and that includes safe sleep.

Now, my personal favourite tip. It does involve a device. With my first two babies, I did white noise on my phone, which definitely worked, and I highly recommend white noise. But it was really annoying, because it meant my phone was stuck in the baby's room and I couldn't use it. And with my third baby, I discovered the Yoto player for babies. Now, this is not an ad. Nobody from Yoto is paying me, sadly. I just really, really love it. It's still one of my favourite products. What happens is you can start off using this audio player to do white noise for babies, and then as they grow, you can introduce stories and music. My eight-year-old is still listening to it every night, so in my eyes it is a great investment. Buy it for a baby, and you'll still be using it years later.

Whatever it is that you use for white noise, keep it out of the cot and not right by the baby's head. Make sure you keep the volume moderate, and definitely keep any cable that's involved well out of reach.

So that's my answer. If you only remember one thing, make it the safe sleep rules in the other answer. On a hard night, if you're tired and nothing's working, those are the rules that you should never bend.

Looking after a newborn is one of the most tiring jobs there is, and one of the most special. I've done it three times, and I was exhausted every single time. So good luck, I hope some of this helps. And nannies, the families you work with are lucky to have someone who has taken the time to listen to this, so thank you.

As always, if you have questions about this, or about a baby or a child you're looking after, just email us. My team will make sure I see it. Thanks for listening, and good luck.